Dr. Gittens Sexual Health Blog

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Managing Mismatched Sex Drives

Problems can occur when two people in a relationship have different levels of sexual desire (mismatched sex drive). Mismatched sex drives can make any relationship bumpy. In the worst-case scenario, a partner may leave a relationship altogether due to this problem. While one partner is frustrated, annoyed, and left feeling unloved, the other partner may not understand why they feel that way and want to change it. At Centers for Sexual Medicine, we have run into this problem before, seeing it in countless couples. While this can cause friction between even the best couples, it’s nothing that can’t be resolved.

Talk About How You Feel

No problem goes away by ignoring it. In fact, this is likely to make the situation worse. Countless couples ignore their mismatched sex drives, which can lead to resentment, frustration, and anger towards each other. The best solution for these feelings? Talk about them. Let your partner know how you are feeling and listen to their concerns. When you talk about this issue, really listen to each other. Maybe your partner is stressed at work, going through hormonal changes, or may have problems with their body image. Take a night to have a real heart to heart discussion about the issue.

Undergo an evaluation and treatment

Often times, when there are two incongruent sex drives, one of the partners may have sexual problems. For men, this could mean erectile dysfunction or low libido due to low testosterone. Women may also have problems such a pain with intercourse or lowered sexual desire due to medications or menopause. These problems usually happen progressively over time and may not show obvious signs at first. Anyone who is interested in trying to find the cause of their problem and undergoing effective treatment should see a sexual medicine specialist.

Do not avoid one another

In a relationship with a mismatched sex drive, one person may begin to avoid the other. This may mean going to bed before or after the other person, falling asleep on the couch most nights, or even choosing to antagonize an argument to avoid physical contact. This is not the solution to the problem. This will only lead to anger and insecurity by the partner, which could translate to causing more distance in the relationship and sometimes infidelity. The answer is to continue to do all the things that you enjoy together and express how you feel sexually in other ways.

Respect Each Other

No matter what the answer, is respecting each other's point of view is the most important thing in compromising. When you really listen to what your partner has to say, you can learn to see things from their side of the problem. Whether this means learning to have less sex or engaging in it more often or seeking help, respecting each other should be the top priority. Getting angry and yelling won’t lead to solutions.

At Centers for Sexual Medicine, we are experts in treating your sexual problems and in improving your sex life. We have helped numerous couples in the past overcome their sexual health issues. We specialize in both men and women's sexual health and offer private expert care. Let us help you and your relationship today! To learn more about us and sexual health, read our blog or go to www.centersforsexualmedicine.com!

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